15:39:22
20-21
[WARNING: Potentially triggering]
New friends
New places
Another hobby
A safe haven
A year I met people who'd become pillars of support
so important a new base could be made
I feel content
I feel happy, because I've found home
Autumn rolls around
New impressions, even more people
A relationship strains
Emotions overwhelm and spill over
A month of darkness and anxiety
I tremble and cry
I want to die
After much contemplation, a decision is made
Freedom at last
A relationship still unsteady
Can it be saved?
I want it to be
Another month gone, and another
I move back again
I don't want to
and darkness settles in again
It gets worse
Family is in tatters
Everyone is scattered
and I'm left behind
I want things to be normal
to be fine
But they aren't
I'm breaking
I'm being ignored and go unheard
I want to scream and break shit!
I remain silent only to cry
I want to die
Reaching out a desperate hand, with a cry for help
She answers
My friend, my twin sister
I break down, I'm not fine
Months of contemplation
“Is this the right thing to do?”
Three and a half years together
“Should I do it?”
I've done it
It broke beyond repair, I couldn't fix it
I ended up broken
but at the same time, I felt freer than before
Another month, another thing
A new friend yet again
Perhaps even more than that?
No, she's already taken
We bond and we laugh
Having fun, she keeps me together
In my days of darkness
she lights up my tunnel
A new face, a sacred laugh
My heart beats out of my chest, and I want to scream
“Are you single?”
It remains in my head, unspoken
Despite my windows of normality, it looms
Dread looms above my head, ready to strike
Every chance it gets, it takes
Let me survive until summer
Summer comes, I struggle
Waiting for my safe haven
I long and I yearn
I miss everyone, and I want my week of freedom
It's not a week of freedom and bliss
I have fun, and new people I meet
Money is spent on things I like
but the dread doesn't leave
At this point
I wonder
”Will it ever? Where is my home? It's gone”
... I want death
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A poem that I wrote for class. We were going to write an auto poetry poem about one of the most important year of our lives. So I chose the past year when I went from being 20 to 21. A lot of shit happened during that year, and yeah... Still not feeling the greatest is how you could sum it up, I guess.
For reference. I turned 22 this year. So you could say that the 20-21 is 2016 and the first half of 2017.
Disclaimer:
This poem belongs to me, don't steal!