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Switzerland x Depressed!Reader: Sun in the Rain (Chapter 4)
I glanced around the room wearily, vaguely recognizing the interior of the room I was in. Everything was so cold, sterile and oh so bare. The only thing that seemed warm in the room was the man sitting by my side, but who was he? I didn't recognize him. I wrecked my mind but couldn't recognize him from anywhere.
His blond hair was matted as if he hadn't washed it in days and his striking green eyes filled with relief when we made eye contact.
"Where am I...?" I repeated slightly louder.
"You're in the hospital..."
His voice was full of remorse and I couldn't grasp why. The last thing I remembered was the heavy rainstorm and crossing the street with my headphones up, on the loudest volume, but after that it was all a blank. What happened to me to place me here at the hospital once more? I just couldn’t remember.
As I was lost in thought the man beside me pressed the nurse-call button and it didn't take long for a nurse and a doctor to arrive.
They asked the man to leave the room then called for my attention and started asking me questions. Did I remember who I was? How old was I? How much did I remember? What was the last thing I remembered? Did I know this man that was with me? Did I know what day and date it was? I answered their questions to the best of my abilities and they told me that I would have to stay for at least another couple of weeks and that I needed lots of rest.
They also informed me that I had been in an accident and that I had been brought in by the man by my side. Apparently he barely left my side all while I had been unconscious until he was ascertained that I was stable, and that had been about a month ago.
After that they left and I was left alone with the man who had apparently saved me. I felt a small need to thank him and did so. However, he didn't want to accept my gratitude.
"I don't deserve your gratitude. It was my fault that you ended up here."
"What do you mean?"
"That rainy day, I was out to buy medicine for my little sister, but the rain made it hard to see and I was unable to see you in time and so... I couldn't stop in time and ran you over with my car... I'm so sorry."
I was speechless. This man had been the one to run me over, even if it had been by accident, and he felt such huge remorse that not only did he call for an ambulance, but he also watched over me while I was unconscious. That last bit could have been a little creepy. However he could have just left after that, but no, he had stayed. We didn't even know each other's names and yet... And yet... No, I couldn't open myself just yet, but I felt that I owed him my name at the very least.
"My name's [Name]. What's yours, mister?"
"It's Vash. Vash Zwingli."
~*~*~*~*
A couple of months later [Name] was allowed out of the hospital and every day Vash had come to visit her. At first she had been determined to let the day she was released be the day she cut her ties with the blond man without any remorse, but somehow she found herself starting to feel a little attached to him.
When Vash visited he had told her about his little sister, but he was very reserved when it came to himself, she had noticed. Actually, he didn't like talking about himself much at all and neither did she, but even though his visits were mostly quiet ones they comforting in a way. He didn't try to force himself on her and gave her space.
And so now the day of her release had arrived and [Name] felt that she would love to get to know Vash more, but she knew that now that was no longer possible and she would have to return to her old life as a street beggar and he would have to return to his own life as well.
"Well," she started uncertainly. "I guess this..."
He held his hand up. "Wait. Tell me where you live. I could drive you there."
She turned her gaze slightly downwards. "I don't... I don't have a home..."
Vash was taken aback and shocked to say the least - he obviously hadn’t expected that reply. His mind frantically tried to piece together a response while trying to comprehend what he had just heard. She didn’t have a home? So, she was homeless? That would explain why the hospital had no records to show about her, but what could have happened to a young girl like her to force her into the life of a street beggar? He was tempted to ask but felt that he would intrude on her privacy too much. So he settled for just scratching the back of his head awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
[Name] noticed his fidgeting and decided she wouldn’t be a burden to him anymore. He was obviously uncomfortable with this revelation and she shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. She should have just kept quiet. He had already helped her more than enough, burdening him with that knowledge had no purpose, and yet she had done it. She wasn’t sure why but she could contemplate that once she was alone.
She turned to walk away from Vash and the hospital which had saved her life twice now, hoping she would never have to wake up there again. It brought back too many painful memories than she could handle. However, just as she started to walk away he called out to her.
“You know, I have pretty big house and I could use some extra help taking care of it, so you can live with us if you want to...”
[Name] turned around and looked at him in shock, not believing what he said. “... What?”
Vash turned a little red and looked to the side. “But you’ll have to pay for yourself once you get a job… I won’t have any freeloaders in my house.”
At the thought of an opportunity to once again have a place to call home [Name] felt both happy and sad. She couldn’t help but feel she was undeserving, however, she wasn’t quite ready to tell Vash about her concerns. She had only known the man for a couple of months after all. But despite her insecurities, doubts and feelings of guilt, she found herself accepting his offer. She couldn’t quite explain why, but something inside her egged her on to accept. Like someone wanted her to have a chance at happiness.
~*~*~*~*
Lili had been delighted to have another girl in the house with them and gotten attached to [Name], becoming fond of her very quickly and within just a couple of weeks she was almost impossible to separate from the older girl.
[Name] was still fighting her own demons from the past, and didn’t dare to become too attached to the people who had been so kind to her. She knew she should be feeling happy that they cared for her, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Sure, she had wanted to get to know Vash more, but once she was living with him, and gotten away from the hospital her old demons returned and she started to miss the streets where she would almost be guaranteed the benevolence of eternal rest.
She liked Vash, she really did, but she also felt undeserving of those emotions. She had loved her family to death, and yet she had caused their demise. She would undoubtedly, somehow, do the same here, she just knew it.
At the moment she was tending to a small patch in the garden which Vash had offered her to take care of, and she found herself often visiting this patch of dirt when she needed time to herself or think. She had a new pair of headphones on, since her old ones were wrecked when Vash had crashed into her with his car. The music was on fairly high volume to enable her to shut the rest of the world out.
Pulling a stubborn weed out of the soil, she wondered if she could ever atone for what she had done. If her family would ever forgive her. She also wondered if she should leave the Zwinglis. Whether her old enemies thought she was dead or if they were content with her living a miserable life, there was no guarantee things would stay like that. They could still come after her one day, and if that day came she didn’t want them to be caught up in the crossfire just for her. She didn’t think she would be able to handle that again.
Sometimes she found herself wishing she could just lie down and fall asleep forever, so that her soul could finally receive the punishment it deserved. But of course, that never happened. The incident with Vash was the closest she had ever come.
The music blared through her ears and echoed in her head. The lyrics blended with her own thoughts and she felt herself relaxing, if only for a minute, and for just a one short moment she allowed herself to let her mind drift along with the music.
As [Name]’s mind drifted she didn’t notice that Lili sneaked up behind her, and before she could react the younger girl flung herself on top her from behind, effectively glomping her.
“Gyack!” [Name] let out a surprised yelp.
“Hi [Name]! I was looking for you. So this is where you were? You really like big brother’s garden, don’t you?”
“Ah… Yeah. It’s very soothing.”
“I think you’d make a very good gardener or maybe a florist?”
Her words were kind but they had little effect on [Name]. She doubted she would ever be able to become anything. She didn’t even have a place in the world, and had no right to be there. However, neither did she have the right to take her own life. She didn’t even have the courage to, nor would it change anything. So, all she could do was live out her pitiful life until death claimed her.
“I very much doubt that, Lili. Gardening isn't really my thing. It helps me think, but that’s it.”
“That’s too bad. I think you’re really good at it. Big brother thinks so too, even though he doesn’t say so.”
“Lili, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re trying to get me out of the house to get a job.”
“No no! That’s not it at all! I was just trying to compliment you is all.”
[Name] allowed a small smile to grace her lips at Lili’s cute flustered reaction. “I know, I was just teasing.” She spotted Vash by the house from the corner of her eyes, seemingly look for something or someone. Most likely Lili. “Lili, have you done your chores?”
“Ah, of course I have!” Her cheeks flushed.
[Name] pointed to Vash. “Then explain to me why your brother seems to be looking for you.”
“I… Uh… I’ll go and see what he wants!” She jumped off [Name] and skipped up to her brother whom stood waiting for her at the patio.
He had arms folded and a scolding ready for her. This was the second time that week that she had forgotten to take out the trash and start the laundry machine, which wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that she was usually so well-mannered and rarely forgot to do her chores.
When Lili came up to him she asked him what was wrong and he informed her in a scolding tone that her chores were still waiting to be done. She apologized to him and told him that she would get on it immediately, to which Vash nodded approvingly.
She turned to take care of them, but then stopped herself to ask him one question.
“Big brother? Why does [Name] seem so sad all the time?”
“I don’t know, Lili. It’s not exactly polite to ask.”
“I know… I wish I could cheer her up.”
Vash looked at [Name] who was back to tending to the small patch that was her garden. It had only been a few weeks since she started living with them, but she was looking healthier already. However, what never changed was the somber expression she always seemed to wear. He hadn’t told Lili yet, but he too wished he could make her happier. If only he knew how and what was weighing her down so, then maybe he could actually help?
But for now, all he could do was offer her a roof over her head, a bed and a bit of food. All those material things that didn’t seem to help ease her troubled mind any.
‘Me too, Lili. Me too,’ he thought before facing his sister again. “We’ll talk more later, once you’ve finished your chores.”
“Okay, big brother,” she replied before skipping off to take out the trash.
Meanwhile the two siblings talked [Name] continued uprooting weeds and pulling off their leaves one by one, letting them fall to the ground and collect in a small pile in front of her.
His blond hair was matted as if he hadn't washed it in days and his striking green eyes filled with relief when we made eye contact.
"Where am I...?" I repeated slightly louder.
"You're in the hospital..."
His voice was full of remorse and I couldn't grasp why. The last thing I remembered was the heavy rainstorm and crossing the street with my headphones up, on the loudest volume, but after that it was all a blank. What happened to me to place me here at the hospital once more? I just couldn’t remember.
As I was lost in thought the man beside me pressed the nurse-call button and it didn't take long for a nurse and a doctor to arrive.
They asked the man to leave the room then called for my attention and started asking me questions. Did I remember who I was? How old was I? How much did I remember? What was the last thing I remembered? Did I know this man that was with me? Did I know what day and date it was? I answered their questions to the best of my abilities and they told me that I would have to stay for at least another couple of weeks and that I needed lots of rest.
They also informed me that I had been in an accident and that I had been brought in by the man by my side. Apparently he barely left my side all while I had been unconscious until he was ascertained that I was stable, and that had been about a month ago.
After that they left and I was left alone with the man who had apparently saved me. I felt a small need to thank him and did so. However, he didn't want to accept my gratitude.
"I don't deserve your gratitude. It was my fault that you ended up here."
"What do you mean?"
"That rainy day, I was out to buy medicine for my little sister, but the rain made it hard to see and I was unable to see you in time and so... I couldn't stop in time and ran you over with my car... I'm so sorry."
I was speechless. This man had been the one to run me over, even if it had been by accident, and he felt such huge remorse that not only did he call for an ambulance, but he also watched over me while I was unconscious. That last bit could have been a little creepy. However he could have just left after that, but no, he had stayed. We didn't even know each other's names and yet... And yet... No, I couldn't open myself just yet, but I felt that I owed him my name at the very least.
"My name's [Name]. What's yours, mister?"
"It's Vash. Vash Zwingli."
~*~*~*~*
A couple of months later [Name] was allowed out of the hospital and every day Vash had come to visit her. At first she had been determined to let the day she was released be the day she cut her ties with the blond man without any remorse, but somehow she found herself starting to feel a little attached to him.
When Vash visited he had told her about his little sister, but he was very reserved when it came to himself, she had noticed. Actually, he didn't like talking about himself much at all and neither did she, but even though his visits were mostly quiet ones they comforting in a way. He didn't try to force himself on her and gave her space.
And so now the day of her release had arrived and [Name] felt that she would love to get to know Vash more, but she knew that now that was no longer possible and she would have to return to her old life as a street beggar and he would have to return to his own life as well.
"Well," she started uncertainly. "I guess this..."
He held his hand up. "Wait. Tell me where you live. I could drive you there."
She turned her gaze slightly downwards. "I don't... I don't have a home..."
Vash was taken aback and shocked to say the least - he obviously hadn’t expected that reply. His mind frantically tried to piece together a response while trying to comprehend what he had just heard. She didn’t have a home? So, she was homeless? That would explain why the hospital had no records to show about her, but what could have happened to a young girl like her to force her into the life of a street beggar? He was tempted to ask but felt that he would intrude on her privacy too much. So he settled for just scratching the back of his head awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
[Name] noticed his fidgeting and decided she wouldn’t be a burden to him anymore. He was obviously uncomfortable with this revelation and she shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. She should have just kept quiet. He had already helped her more than enough, burdening him with that knowledge had no purpose, and yet she had done it. She wasn’t sure why but she could contemplate that once she was alone.
She turned to walk away from Vash and the hospital which had saved her life twice now, hoping she would never have to wake up there again. It brought back too many painful memories than she could handle. However, just as she started to walk away he called out to her.
“You know, I have pretty big house and I could use some extra help taking care of it, so you can live with us if you want to...”
[Name] turned around and looked at him in shock, not believing what he said. “... What?”
Vash turned a little red and looked to the side. “But you’ll have to pay for yourself once you get a job… I won’t have any freeloaders in my house.”
At the thought of an opportunity to once again have a place to call home [Name] felt both happy and sad. She couldn’t help but feel she was undeserving, however, she wasn’t quite ready to tell Vash about her concerns. She had only known the man for a couple of months after all. But despite her insecurities, doubts and feelings of guilt, she found herself accepting his offer. She couldn’t quite explain why, but something inside her egged her on to accept. Like someone wanted her to have a chance at happiness.
~*~*~*~*
Lili had been delighted to have another girl in the house with them and gotten attached to [Name], becoming fond of her very quickly and within just a couple of weeks she was almost impossible to separate from the older girl.
[Name] was still fighting her own demons from the past, and didn’t dare to become too attached to the people who had been so kind to her. She knew she should be feeling happy that they cared for her, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Sure, she had wanted to get to know Vash more, but once she was living with him, and gotten away from the hospital her old demons returned and she started to miss the streets where she would almost be guaranteed the benevolence of eternal rest.
She liked Vash, she really did, but she also felt undeserving of those emotions. She had loved her family to death, and yet she had caused their demise. She would undoubtedly, somehow, do the same here, she just knew it.
At the moment she was tending to a small patch in the garden which Vash had offered her to take care of, and she found herself often visiting this patch of dirt when she needed time to herself or think. She had a new pair of headphones on, since her old ones were wrecked when Vash had crashed into her with his car. The music was on fairly high volume to enable her to shut the rest of the world out.
Pulling a stubborn weed out of the soil, she wondered if she could ever atone for what she had done. If her family would ever forgive her. She also wondered if she should leave the Zwinglis. Whether her old enemies thought she was dead or if they were content with her living a miserable life, there was no guarantee things would stay like that. They could still come after her one day, and if that day came she didn’t want them to be caught up in the crossfire just for her. She didn’t think she would be able to handle that again.
Sometimes she found herself wishing she could just lie down and fall asleep forever, so that her soul could finally receive the punishment it deserved. But of course, that never happened. The incident with Vash was the closest she had ever come.
The music blared through her ears and echoed in her head. The lyrics blended with her own thoughts and she felt herself relaxing, if only for a minute, and for just a one short moment she allowed herself to let her mind drift along with the music.
As [Name]’s mind drifted she didn’t notice that Lili sneaked up behind her, and before she could react the younger girl flung herself on top her from behind, effectively glomping her.
“Gyack!” [Name] let out a surprised yelp.
“Hi [Name]! I was looking for you. So this is where you were? You really like big brother’s garden, don’t you?”
“Ah… Yeah. It’s very soothing.”
“I think you’d make a very good gardener or maybe a florist?”
Her words were kind but they had little effect on [Name]. She doubted she would ever be able to become anything. She didn’t even have a place in the world, and had no right to be there. However, neither did she have the right to take her own life. She didn’t even have the courage to, nor would it change anything. So, all she could do was live out her pitiful life until death claimed her.
“I very much doubt that, Lili. Gardening isn't really my thing. It helps me think, but that’s it.”
“That’s too bad. I think you’re really good at it. Big brother thinks so too, even though he doesn’t say so.”
“Lili, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re trying to get me out of the house to get a job.”
“No no! That’s not it at all! I was just trying to compliment you is all.”
[Name] allowed a small smile to grace her lips at Lili’s cute flustered reaction. “I know, I was just teasing.” She spotted Vash by the house from the corner of her eyes, seemingly look for something or someone. Most likely Lili. “Lili, have you done your chores?”
“Ah, of course I have!” Her cheeks flushed.
[Name] pointed to Vash. “Then explain to me why your brother seems to be looking for you.”
“I… Uh… I’ll go and see what he wants!” She jumped off [Name] and skipped up to her brother whom stood waiting for her at the patio.
He had arms folded and a scolding ready for her. This was the second time that week that she had forgotten to take out the trash and start the laundry machine, which wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that she was usually so well-mannered and rarely forgot to do her chores.
When Lili came up to him she asked him what was wrong and he informed her in a scolding tone that her chores were still waiting to be done. She apologized to him and told him that she would get on it immediately, to which Vash nodded approvingly.
She turned to take care of them, but then stopped herself to ask him one question.
“Big brother? Why does [Name] seem so sad all the time?”
“I don’t know, Lili. It’s not exactly polite to ask.”
“I know… I wish I could cheer her up.”
Vash looked at [Name] who was back to tending to the small patch that was her garden. It had only been a few weeks since she started living with them, but she was looking healthier already. However, what never changed was the somber expression she always seemed to wear. He hadn’t told Lili yet, but he too wished he could make her happier. If only he knew how and what was weighing her down so, then maybe he could actually help?
But for now, all he could do was offer her a roof over her head, a bed and a bit of food. All those material things that didn’t seem to help ease her troubled mind any.
‘Me too, Lili. Me too,’ he thought before facing his sister again. “We’ll talk more later, once you’ve finished your chores.”
“Okay, big brother,” she replied before skipping off to take out the trash.
Meanwhile the two siblings talked [Name] continued uprooting weeds and pulling off their leaves one by one, letting them fall to the ground and collect in a small pile in front of her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally the awaited chapter 4 of this series is done! Now there's only one chapter left before this series is over and done with! Thank you for being so patient with my slow updates! And I apologize for my horrid writer's block! >_<
Anyways, I finally got a few writer's spurs and managed to finish this chapter for you guys! I hope it was worth the wait!
Disclaimer:
I don't own Hetalia, it belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya,
I don't own you,
I only own the story.
Anyways, I finally got a few writer's spurs and managed to finish this chapter for you guys! I hope it was worth the wait!
Disclaimer:
I don't own Hetalia, it belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya,
I don't own you,
I only own the story.